I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
