Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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