There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
