I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You left your phone here
Wait...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
