i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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