Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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