I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
