New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
