What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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