My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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