Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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