$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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