people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
