if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
