READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
