Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
