I look better un-naked...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
