"it" just moved
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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