He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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