Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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