Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
