After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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