Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
