I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
