So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
