ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
