At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
