I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
