I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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