And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
