i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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