Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
