Where did you get a picture of my penis
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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