is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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