Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
