I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
