So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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