dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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