3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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