Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
