dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize