Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A bitchslap is in order.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
