it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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