Soap is not a condiment
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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