So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
