Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
