new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
