Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
"it" just moved
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
