The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
