Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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