Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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