oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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