Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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