how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
