dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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