I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she peed on how many people?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
