I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
