Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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