Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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