Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We just shotgunned beers for America
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
