I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
