So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize