Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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