turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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