A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
