how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
