I CAN MOONWALK!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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