forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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